12 weeks flew right on by and I am officially entering in the grown up work world again tomorrow! I am an emotional mess about it. On one hand I am so excited to be back in the city doing what I love, having grown up conversations without being covered in spit up or baby poop. But on the other hand the thought of leaving my baby in the care of someone else and missing those milestones and not getting those smiles and giggles all day is killing me. One thing is for sure, I will not feel guilty about wanting to have my own life and career. It's so bitter sweet but If I don't do this, and at least give it a really good shot, I know that in 5 years when Emerson is in school I will regret that missed opportunity, and that is something I don't think would be fair to me or him.
I am wondering how this juggling act will be. Right now since I am breast feeding I haven't put Em on any schedule. I just feed when he's hungry, let him nap when he's sleepy, and go for walks when he's awake. I haven't let my husband do any night feedings, mainly because I've become so hooked on the closeness and bonding I get while nursing him in the middle of the night. But now real life starts. Up at 5 am, out the door by 6:45, back home by 6, bath time by 8....how we are all going to adjust to this new schedule, only time will tell. John has been nothing but supportive and I know he's going to be so helpful in the mornings and evenings. We're both going to be a mess the first week, but It will get easier. If it didn't every other working mom out there wouldn't do it! Wish me luck on my first day, any and all advice is more than welcomed!